Sunday, February 07, 2010
Starry starry night
And so Orientation 2010 is over. The Hwa Chong population leaves school, sweaty and exhausted. Everyone has cheered and danced their share. The campfire is left to sizzle.
It is really terrifying to be the last to leave school. Reflecting on school life as of now takes me places. My bored, restless mind just keeps thinking. And because I am a pessimist, I spiral into some life-hating mode.
It is a bit of disappointment with my brain. Not that it hasn't been (fully) functional these days. I used to be so sure, so certain about things. But now when I look back, I realise I've been planning and planning. I keep giving excuses for not pursuing sideline interests. "No time for that", "wait till college". Sigh, I guess JC life is not a time for all fun and games!
Then there is the... epiphany. That I am in a whole new environment all over again, thrown out there to feed the hyenas. I am supposed to feel comfortable here. I am supposed to see familiar faces everywhere. But everyone has changed so much in JC; it's sheer horror. (Okay I am being a little dramatic here, but is it really not a pretty sight.) Is it their loss of identity or my lack thereof?
It's okay, I tell myself, I've made new friends, I like my class. Time for a fresh start. Survive, even if it means living day by day!
And all of this on a very windy night. The stars are barely visible. I sit in the middle of the walkway. I want to laugh and cry at the same time.
It is really terrifying to be the last to leave school. Reflecting on school life as of now takes me places. My bored, restless mind just keeps thinking. And because I am a pessimist, I spiral into some life-hating mode.
It is a bit of disappointment with my brain. Not that it hasn't been (fully) functional these days. I used to be so sure, so certain about things. But now when I look back, I realise I've been planning and planning. I keep giving excuses for not pursuing sideline interests. "No time for that", "wait till college". Sigh, I guess JC life is not a time for all fun and games!
Then there is the... epiphany. That I am in a whole new environment all over again, thrown out there to feed the hyenas. I am supposed to feel comfortable here. I am supposed to see familiar faces everywhere. But everyone has changed so much in JC; it's sheer horror. (Okay I am being a little dramatic here, but is it really not a pretty sight.) Is it their loss of identity or my lack thereof?
It's okay, I tell myself, I've made new friends, I like my class. Time for a fresh start. Survive, even if it means living day by day!
And all of this on a very windy night. The stars are barely visible. I sit in the middle of the walkway. I want to laugh and cry at the same time.
# posted at 2:30 AM
